Tag Archives: change

Crisp Sunshine

3 Jan

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Temperature drops,
Clouds clear, and blue skies return.
Winter snow’s coming.

Confessions of an introvert therapist

10 Apr

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I admit I don’t like most people, at least not the screwed up facades they put on for everyone else. I know, crazy for someone studying to be a therapist, right?

Therapists are a strange breed. We are people as screwed up as anyone else, but the professional ethic requires us to maintain ‘therapeutic distance’. It is intended to project a certain professional mystic, and to avoid compounding the clients’ problems or creating new ones for ourselves.

I do not give “therapeutic distance” much credence. We are there to help people connect with themselves and each other for Pete’s sake! How can we do that without first connecting with them ourselves? To me it is the sign of a weak psyche who cannot get close to others without giving up him or herself.

Plus, to be screwed up (everyone is) and still believe we can really help others takes a certain amount of hubris. Oh, I realize I have it too, I can tell because it grates on me so much when I recognize it in others.

Aside from those who have been through hell and are becoming therapists to help other people through it too (I like to believe this includes me), the remaining candidates seem to embody either false humility or sincere arrogance. Between the two, I prefer the latter. At least they mean what they say.

My world

13 Aug
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One wellspring, diverse manifestations, it is what it is.

I don’t have much experience with this getting older thing. I was one of those forever young, but forever seems to have run out. How does one keep the heart strong and virile, optimistic and alive, but let the soul grow old and wise? I’ve often said “enjoy the full range of your emotions” and live life, but that comes with a price. Better temperence with moderation in all things, including moderation. That I have done. A moderate life punctuated by periods of excessive excitement and adventure in mind, body, spirit, and especially heart – a warrior’s heart.

God, I miss the Army with its sense of mission focus, purpose, and esprit. Maybe that was the problem. I equated myself to the Army instead of realizing the Army was me. I made it what it was because that is what I believed. Maybe the civilian world is not all bad (although I still don’t respect its ‘me first’ lack of true consideration for others.) Maybe it is up to me to change the world more than it is to let the world change me. Sometimes I feel like a very old soul, out of place, outside of time. Other times I feel drained and confused, simply out of place, a stranger in a strange land. Perhaps it is time to get back to me and make my little sphere in this world what it can be.

So, first I need to remember who I am and settle in to the eternal being that is me. Second I need to shape the world around me and help it reach its potential. Look, there are a few truths we need to remember.
– Life is what it is. It’s your journey to get to the end, but there is no escaping the end and the end is the same for everyone. Death is very much a part of life.
– You’re not in this for yourself and you can’t beat it. We each are here to let Existence experience being us. Who you think you are, the you of this world, is unimportant. There’s one Truth of which we each are parts, don’t wed yourself to one limited, temporary outlook.
– Conflict is a fact of mankind basically because we get caught up in the here and now, what we think we want. You get confused yourself about what that is, it’s inevitable others will too and those countless wants will compete. Rather than hide from it or wish it away, learn to deal with it and face it head on. Peaceniks and warmongers alike only ever make things worse. Unrealistic expectations of mutual understanding or of decisive victory always lead to more war. Think I’m wrong? Ask the people of Nineveh, Iraq.
– The fact that the world is a harsh place (yes, it is, don’t kid yourself) does not make it right or ok for you to give up what your soul knows is right. One Truth encompasses all. Religion? Man-made. Politics? Man-made. Logic? Philosophy? Man-made. Science? This is one the scientists themselves often forget. Science is the study of a set of facts or knowledge. It is not the Truth, only what we know, which is very little. What we think we know far exceeds the reality. Again, think I’m wrong? Spend a week with a dozen nine year olds competing for attention and trying to impress you with what they ‘know’. Now apply your views of their innocent, sophomoric perspectives to your own outlook. Get the picture?

So what is the point then if we cannot know everything and extreme views are wrong? Follow your soul. The heart is fickle. The body is weak. Spirit waxes and wanes. The one connection we have with Truth is what feel in our soul to be right. I refused to comply in the conventional military force and paid the price of limited advancement, but I also earned the reward of working Special Operations and experienced a much more fulfilling life than I would have otherwise. Sticking to what I knew was right made the price I paid worth it.

When I hung up the uniform, I made the mistake of thinking I had to adjust to civilian life. I put my sanity, self respect, and the love of my Lady in jeopardy. I forgot who I was and tried to become who I thought people wanted me to be. I was disappointed to learn people I imagined I knew were not who I thought they were, and grew bitter with others and myself simply for being people. The bottomline is people are shit; they’re a lot of good too. If you hate them for being shit, you’ll hate yourself too. If you accept them for what they are but also help them become more, you will improve yourself and have a more fulfilling life too.

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